The Personals, Pt. 2

 I chose a brief narrative that I pasted in from a different fellow’s inactive personal ad, making sure to replace the word kinky with professional. It was a short ad. It couldn’t go on forever; that would’ve been a dead giveaway that it was me and then I’d never get her back. I made sure to throw in some words she knew I never used, like dynamite  in its adjectival form. I finished, uploaded the picture, and submitted for approval. Before I logged off, though, I put the final detail of my evil, insidious plan into effect, the critical step that would make privy to her my existence: I went in and viewed her ad. She’d never been able to resist checking out a guy who’d viewed her ad. Well, could you? I logged out and went to sleep. Finally, done!

The next morning I had 157 responses in my mailbox. Not really. But once my personal ad was approved, I was shocked to find a few women had viewed it and a couple of those had actually responded. God, I’m good. Why is she not in a relationship with me?

I clicked on the first response, thinking ‘It couldn’t be her.’ When it opened and I saw the picture, my head sank into my hands. I sat like that for a full minute; the same picture of her I saw the fateful day I discovered her personal ad. My plan was working but I wasn’t feeling very good about it at all. What the hell am I thinking?

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